What is the most beautiful life you can imagine?
Hello lovely people,
How have you been?! Sorry I went a little quiet…I am working on a very exciting, new project that I can’t wait to share with you eventually. Until then most of my creative energy is going into it and these newsletters will only come when the uncalled-for inspiration gets a hold of me.
Today I write because I felt inspired by a friend’s email. In it she sounded bold, brave, happy, and so at home with her life. Wow, I thought. It reminded me of a question that has been haunting me for weeks.
The question is this: What is the most beautiful life that you can imagine for yourself? Are you living it? I read it in Glennon Doyle’s new memoir, Untamed. At first I was afraid to think about the question for too long. It made me uncomfortable. So then it went to my unconscious, as unwanted thoughts do, and set up a tent there.
It started appearing at all times of the day at seemingly irrelevant points, tapping its fingers and casually inquiring: Is this the most beautiful life you can imagine? Is it? Is it? Is it? At one point, annoyed at its perseverance and stubbornness, I blurted, “No, but it’s good enough!” Ah, good enough. My old friend. As a perfectionist, as someone who has been tormented by my mind every hour of every day because naturally I am always inclined to push the goal post farther, ‘good enough’ has been the cheat sheet given to me by therapists and mentors. It’s been my motto, my guard against meltdowns, my self-acceptance. Without ‘good enough’ my life would be all harsh judgement and hot, bitter disappointment; my mind, hell set loose. I am so incredibly grateful to Brene Brown, who first showed me the soothing balm of ‘good enough.’
But the big question is…when it comes to one’s dream life…is good enough really good enough? Will striving for the most beautiful life we can imagine simply always have us sitting on the fence, ogling our neighbours’ grass, thinking that it’s greener? Will it just keep us perpetually unhappy? Is the imagination that will help us dream our most beautiful lives our ally or a traitor, camouflaged as a friend who will ultimately betray us? When it comes to the way we live our lives, is doubt welcome? Maybe it’s only this anxiety that can fuel change, that can help us burn the old and build the new?
Very often we are aware that we are not living the lives we want to be living, but we keep going because we hope that soon we will be. When we earn enough money to move into a bigger house, when we get a job that does not bore us to death, when we meet the most wonderful spouse. Hold on life, we say, I am on my way! ETA: 5 years. But does life hold on? Or is this something that we tell ourselves to get rid of the uncomfortableness at present? To keep us going? Ultimately, when we look back will we wish we were happier and more appreciative of what we got, or will we wish we had more courage to chase those wild dreams of ours? When you look back now, which is it? For me, it’s both. There are things that I wish I had appreciated more. And there are times I wish I had been braver.
But the things I wish I was braver with are all to do with me—honouring the way I feel, allowing myself to pursue more magic, being my #1 fan on a daily basis. And perhaps, that’s all we have to worry about. Perhaps that’s how our most beautiful lives are supposed to unfold: gradually, naturally, from the inside-out.
To Reality
With Love,
N
